Tears rolled down my cheeks as I listened to my guided meditation. What I heard was, “See your free, confident self. You have no fears. You can be whoever you want to be. Now, get ready to merge with that image.”
Free. Confident. Those are direct results of fearlessness.
The Truth Always Comes Out
I recently met with friends for dinner before a show. One of the women, Kimmie, had read my tarot cards at the beach last year. Yes, I said tarot cards.
At that time, I was in a really negative place. I was in a job where I felt powerless and trapped. Actually, I was trapped because I was staying there out of fear. What would I do for health insurance? Could I pay my bills? What would people think of me if I up and quit? I’ll look like a failure.
So, I continued to struggle by hiding behind my two favorite default behaviors — people pleasing and blame. I felt desperate and stuck, but too ashamed to tell anyone. Complaining about “the job” or “the boss man” was easy and allowed me to avoid accountability for my pain.
Kimmie flipped my cards over. My reading did not go very well. It revealed my exact feelings, that of, low self-esteem and hopelessness; everything that I was trying to keep secret. Now she could see the “real” me and I didn’t like it. I felt exposed.
I would like to say that experience prompted me to change. This would be a different article if it had. But no, I stayed miserable another eight months. Until one day, at a party, someone challenged me to live my own life according to my values. I wasn’t sure what that looked like, actually. I wanted to be comfortable in my own skin and be loved for who I am…right now. With that, I decided to resign from my job. Even though I had no income flow lined up, every bone in my body told me this was the right thing to do. I was fearless.
Fearful To Fearless: It’s All Choice
I felt FREE! Really free! I hadn’t felt that way for years. That feeling was not because of that one action alone, but the result of a process. I became aware of exactly what my situation was, and I looked at my role in that situation and what my options were.
Envisioning who I truly wanted to be was hard because I didn’t know who I was at that moment in time (at least not consciously). A lifetime of decisions based on different kinds of fear took me to painful, lonely places. Now, however, I make choices that align with the values of wholehearted living; being all in and authentic.
To gain freedom through authentic living, I had to let go of my fears. I had to trust that everything has a purpose in life and that my job is to learn what that purpose is exactly. Courage takes work because it means you take action even when you’re scared. Fearlessness saves energy because there is nothing to overcome. Without fear, there is no stress.
Last night, Kimmie read my cards again. This time, my cards showed that I’m on my way and that I’m working hard. I’m in a phase of productivity and movement in the direction that I have chosen. Because I’ve been taking action with great intent and purpose, things are clear and so much easier.
You see, freedom isn’t free. In your career, like anything else, it’s actually a byproduct of fearless living.